Open letter to company using Voice over IP (VoIP) for the enterprise

[doc_strange]

Dear [large company that thinks VoIP for internal phones is a smart, cost-saving measure],

I am writing to thank you and your call center personnel for taking the time today to repeat yourselves several times over. My hearing, apparently, is not what it used to be, and certainly I did not understand many of the acronyms, proper names, questions, and ordinary English terms your personnel used on the first pass. As well, I would like to apologize for my phone's apparent lack of good touch-tone quality, which caused your system to register a single key press as several different keys.

In addition, I would like to thank your staff for having the courtesy and patience to ask me to kindly repeat myself whenever I spoke, asked questions, said unusual names, and when I spelled out those names. It should be a source of pride to you that, given my apparently stark and sudden lapse into rapidfire stuttering and diphthong confusion, your personnel were ultimately able to direct my call to the correct destination (after the first several attempts, which resulted in call disconnections).

Finally, I applaud the smart, cost-saving measures and strict spending discipline that has brought your organization to deploy a company-wide Voice over IP system on your own internal networks. The cost savings from not having to deploy other cabling, when combined with the low-cost of networking gear that does not provide quality of service (QoS) functionality for H.323 must be terrific. I am sure this cost savings will be passed on to us, your customers and business partners, when it is reflected in the ever-improving quality of your products.

Thank you, and carry on the great work!

Sincerely,

[me]

P.S.: One question that remains unanswered: What exactly does "pl's 'ter th' sten'n of the p' you wi' to s'awa" mean? Thanks again!

Comments

[erik]

Please post this to dot_cattiness. Please?

[docstrange.livejournal.com]

It is done. G' su'gs'n.

[holzman.livejournal.com]

You've decided to go with Webley?

[docstrange.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, sir! This system was FAR more advanced in its digital encoding methods. For example, it didn't merely drop the 8th bit, but instead dropped bits according to a complex algorithm fed by a pseudo-random number generator.

[marsgov.livejournal.com]

Voice over IP can work -- it takes talent to screw it up in a corporate environment where you have complete control over QoS. I guess they saved money on the routers. But I think your problem probably lies in the bridges: They print out the packets, put them in the those vacuum tubes to get them from floor to floor, and then the printouts are scanned/OCR'd at the other end.

Please feel free to name names. That's what anomynity on LJ is for -- to stick the knife in and twist.

[docstrange.livejournal.com]

The company IS very talented; while it has networking products, you could say that it is Not An Isp. You could also say they specialize in Networking And Internet related products. They probably got those bridges as part of a corporate Name And Interests acquisition. But I can't Name Any Interesting names.