Apr. 3rd, 2012

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Apple, directionless with the loss of Steve Jobs, nevertheless announces its latest innovation, its first foray in years back to its Classic(al) era.

The iClaudius is a new, pocket-sized personal computing device with amazing power. Do not be fooled by its tendency to randomly reboot, lose screen focus, and occasionally give off a raucous beep or squawk. Despite (or perhaps because of) these peculiarities, you'll come to love it, as a true companion to help you survive these difficult times. A device whose utility to you will be underestimated by your competitors, your purchase of it will ensure success despite - or perhaps because of - their incorrect assumption that you are a harmless idiot.

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